How Parents Can Respond to Self-Injury
By Krista Capobianco, LICSW
As parents, we tell our kids to be careful around a hot stove and look both ways before crossing the street. We tell them to use their words when they’re having a temper tantrum or feeling overwhelmed.
We try to protect them from the world, but sometimes we also need to try and help protect them from themselves. Self-harm, also called non-suicidal self-injury, is when someone intentionally hurts their own body to cope with emotional pain, overwhelming feelings, or difficult life experiences — without the intention of ending their life.
These teens may be trying to cope with overwhelming emotions, internalized shame, or a lack of emotional regulation skills. Self-harm, in these cases, becomes a temporary escape or release.
This looks different for every person and can include behaviors like:
Cutting or scratching the skin
Burning or bruising oneself
Hitting themself or headbanging
Picking at wounds to prevent healing
Using objects (like a razor or an eyebrow razor) to inflict pain
Who Is at Highest Risk for Self-Harm?
Teenagers who engage in self-injury are often experiencing emotional distress. There are some conditions or experiences that may make them more vulnerable. Teens struggling with depression and mood disorders, anxiety disorders, PTSD and eating disorders may be at risk. So may adolescents struggling with gender or sexual identity, especially in unsupportive environments, or a history of trauma, abuse or chronic stress.
Signs Your Teen May Be Self-Harming
Self-harm is often secretive behavior teens try to dismiss or hide from parents. Some things to lookout for include:
Unexplained cuts, scratches, or burns (especially on arms, thighs, or stomach)
Wearing long sleeves in warm weather
Frequent “accidents” or vague explanations for injuries
Missing sharp objects from the home
Emotional changes: being more withdrawn/isolated, irritability, mood swings, or seeming numb and disconnected
Not every teen who shows these signs is self-harming, but if you have concerns, reach out in a gentle way.
How to Respond
Finding out your teen is self-harming can feel scary and confusing. Here are a few ways to navigate the situation with care:
Be mindful of your reaction. Your teen may already be feeling deep shame or embarrassment. Try to respond with calm curiosity rather than fear or anger. Let them know you're there to support, not punish.
Create a safety plan together. Ask direct questions. Work with your teen to remove access to remove triggering items they use for self-injury. Use encouragement, praise, and a non-judgmental tone.
Seek professional help. Connect with providers who specialize in adolescent mental health. Therapy can help your teen explore the emotions behind self-harm and learn healthier coping skills, while also supporting you as a parent.
Self-harm is a sign that a teen is hurting. While it can be difficult to understand or talk about, what teens need most in these moments is compassion and support. As a parent, you don’t have to have all the answers. Your willingness to listen, support, and get help can be the first step toward healing.
Get Mental Health Care
We’d love to connect you or someone you know with mental health care. To refer a child/teen/adolescent or yourself, please call (877) 992-2422 or click here to make a referral. Bradley REACH’s expert teams of psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and nurses provide intensive mental health care and therapy to teams and families, virtually, in New England, Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Rhode Island and Florida.
DISCLAIMER:
The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this website are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
If you or your child are in crisis or experiencing mental health problems please seek the advice of a licensed clinician or call 988 or Kids Link in Rhode Island.
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